I've been stuck in a rut lately. Affie says it's my mind trying to work out everything that's happened over the past few months. I suppose she could be right. All I know for sure is I bounce between feeling really depressed and feeling as if everything is happening to someone else. Throughout both extremes, I am constantly trying to get an organized thought out. And trying to keep out thoughts and emotions that are just too confusing to process at the moment. Suffice it to say, Vicki is not a happy camper right now.
On the way to work, I was listening to my player as I always do, and one of my new songs from Frou Frou stuck. Particular lines to be exact. These are below:
So how do i do normal
The smile i fake - the permanent wave
ofCue cards and fix it kits
Can't you tell - i'm not myself
I'm a slow motion accident
Lost in coffee rings - and fingerprints
I don't - wanna feel - anything
But i do
And it all comes back to you
Without going into a long explanation, or any to be exact, this sums up a portion of what I am feeling. Dammit! I need to get a grip!
Trying not to feel works for periods of time, but that just means the emotions get dammed up and when the dam breaks, it's one hell of a force you have to reckon with. :(
ReplyDeleteI think mine is cracking. The temporary support I put up to keep it from breaking completely is weakening. But I think I will be ok. I just need to get over the waves.
ReplyDeleteNot feeling means not feeling even the positive feelings as well. This is not something you would want...
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