So, a quick post. Just want to get these thoughts down, although I think I'll post again before the year is over.
I've realized that a lot of my disappointments are rooted in my expectations, however right or wrong these expectations are. And these disappointments are about all aspects- family, money, work, relationships.
So, one thing I KNOW I have to work on in 2011 is re-working my expectations. Understanding that some of these are just not realistic mainly because I cannot dictate how the world turns.
Good to know.
Showing posts with label convictions. Show all posts
Showing posts with label convictions. Show all posts
Friday, December 31, 2010
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Gods Answers
I pray all the time now. But more for strenght and clarity and understanding more than material things. I figure, those will come as a result of being strong, clear, focused, and enlightened.
Lately, I've been noticing more and more how God does answer my prayers. I notice it in indirect words, instances, opportunities. These don't follow immediately after a prayer or a moment of reflections so, I guess, if you aren't paying attention, you could miss it.
It's a wonderful feeling to know that I am being answered and that He is listening.
Lately, I've been noticing more and more how God does answer my prayers. I notice it in indirect words, instances, opportunities. These don't follow immediately after a prayer or a moment of reflections so, I guess, if you aren't paying attention, you could miss it.
It's a wonderful feeling to know that I am being answered and that He is listening.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Curiouser and Curiouser and More Lessons
When the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" came out, I admit, I wasn't interested. Brad Pitt for me had lost a lot of his attractiveness purely due to life decisions. Yes, in this case I am being 100% judgmental. I don't really care. I just found the whole Angelina thing in bad taste, bad character, poor impulse control. If his marriage really wasn't working then he should have had the decency to end it FIRST before gallivanting with another woman. Ok, I digress.
Anyway, I ended up watching the movie on HBO. Purely by accident. And I really liked it. I found I could relate to a lot of the writing. Since it spanned the lifetime of two main characters I don't know if that means I am old but I could relate. Brad Pitt was good in the movie and Cate Blanchett was luminous. Ok, Brad Pitt was hot. Again, I digress.
Below are two of many snippets of writing that touched me, spoke to me, told me that in some way the Universe was trying to make me understand things about myself, my choices, my life, what it was, what it is, what it can still be.
“It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you.”
“You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went, you can curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.”
Benjamin Button: I was thinking how nothing last, and what a shame that is.
Daisy: Some things last.
So, again, to living life moving forward; to loving my gifts- my kids; to loving myself and finding some peace and happiness.
Monday, September 20, 2010
The Mind is a Powerful Thing
I've been struggling with issues for the past year, ever since I separated from my husband, and I've been trying every way I know how to organize, understand, compartmentalize, and accept all my issues. I would tell myself, once I get to do this, I will be better.
But all my efforts have failed so far and all I've become in the year since I moved out is conflicted. And I don't want to be that way anymore.
Last night, I met up with a friend of mine whom I've known since 6th grade. She's getting married next month and I wanted to catch up with her because, one, we hadn't talked in months and months, and two, i am going to miss her wedding as it's a destination wedding. I told her about all that transpired in the months since she and I last talked and it was cathartic. One thing she said that night really stuck: He (husband) was right in saying you were never this negative before. You were more hopeful, more positive. And while sometimes a person can bring out the worst in you, you also allowed yourself to sink deeper and deeper into negativity. What a waste. your life will be a waste if you limit yourself, if you allow your negativity and your mind to limit you and keep you from being happy.
I admit, she is right. And she isn't the first one who has said this to me.
So I am really making the effort now to be more positive. To CHOOSE to be happy. First thing, mind detox- I am reading Joel Osteen's "Your Best Life Now". It was a gift from another good friend 3 years ago. I never read it but I think now is as good a time as any. I am making the effort to rephrase what I think and say. I am making the effort to say "OK, I can.." or "Alright, I'll try that.." instead of "No, but.." or "the thing is.."
I know I can do this.
But all my efforts have failed so far and all I've become in the year since I moved out is conflicted. And I don't want to be that way anymore.
Last night, I met up with a friend of mine whom I've known since 6th grade. She's getting married next month and I wanted to catch up with her because, one, we hadn't talked in months and months, and two, i am going to miss her wedding as it's a destination wedding. I told her about all that transpired in the months since she and I last talked and it was cathartic. One thing she said that night really stuck: He (husband) was right in saying you were never this negative before. You were more hopeful, more positive. And while sometimes a person can bring out the worst in you, you also allowed yourself to sink deeper and deeper into negativity. What a waste. your life will be a waste if you limit yourself, if you allow your negativity and your mind to limit you and keep you from being happy.
I admit, she is right. And she isn't the first one who has said this to me.
So I am really making the effort now to be more positive. To CHOOSE to be happy. First thing, mind detox- I am reading Joel Osteen's "Your Best Life Now". It was a gift from another good friend 3 years ago. I never read it but I think now is as good a time as any. I am making the effort to rephrase what I think and say. I am making the effort to say "OK, I can.." or "Alright, I'll try that.." instead of "No, but.." or "the thing is.."
I know I can do this.
Friday, September 10, 2010
The Heart of the Matter
A year ago, this month, I moved out of my old home, and my old life.
A year ago, this month, I had no house, no job, no savings. But I had my kids.
A year ago, this month, I had a broken marriage, a broken heart, and a dream.
A year later I review the past months...
...My marriage is still broken
...My heart is still broken
BUT
...My kids are healthy and happy and relatively well-adjusted
...I have a home
...I have a good job
..still working on the savings, but I have an extensive plan
...I still have hope and my dream.
I want to reclaim my life, remember the old me, create the new me. I want to heal my heart and stop exposing it to the same hammer that's been breaking it to pieces for a decade. I don't ever want to center my life and love around a man. When I find myself, I promise not lose her again. Most of all, I want to accept things the way they are, be at peace with them, and move on so that I can find my own happiness.
A year ago, this month, I had no house, no job, no savings. But I had my kids.
A year ago, this month, I had a broken marriage, a broken heart, and a dream.
A year later I review the past months...
...My marriage is still broken
...My heart is still broken
BUT
...My kids are healthy and happy and relatively well-adjusted
...I have a home
...I have a good job
..still working on the savings, but I have an extensive plan
...I still have hope and my dream.
I want to reclaim my life, remember the old me, create the new me. I want to heal my heart and stop exposing it to the same hammer that's been breaking it to pieces for a decade. I don't ever want to center my life and love around a man. When I find myself, I promise not lose her again. Most of all, I want to accept things the way they are, be at peace with them, and move on so that I can find my own happiness.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Post Birthday Wish List
I've been meaning to blog about some birthday wishes, realizations, what-have-you before my actual birthday but, obviously, I wasn't able to do so. Still, I feel like I have all these thoughts, feelings, and goals locked in my brain that I just have to write them down, at the very least, to satisfy my need for a semblance of organization.
That said, what will follow is a combined "list" of sorts. Bear with me.
31 Goals, Convictions, Desires for 2010
1-Goal: To be happy without depending on someone else to be the source of this happiness.
2-Goal: To lose 20 pounds over the year
3- Conviction: Before I turned 30, I wanted to do away with the unimportant things and to focus on the things that matter. Well, this year I want to be more specific. I am convinced that what matters to me in a partner is love, loyalty, responsibility, consistency. Everything else stems from these 4 traits. And so I want to focus on the person who will be all of that to and for me and my kids.
4-Desire: I want a car before Christmas 2011.
5-Desire: I want a new PC before mid- next year.
6-Desire: I want gym membership in the last quarter of this year onwards.
7- Goal: to realize my 5-year tuition plan, and to add my own personal savings plan to the mix.
8-Goal: to get promoted in a year
9-Conviction: Romance is not dead. It is only dead if you kill it.
10-Conviction: I cannot do casual sex or casual relationships. If, in my teens and twenty's I didn't care about tomorrow. in my thirty's I find that I do.
11-Conviction: My friends are my treasures.
12-Goal: to pay all smaller debts by Christmas next year.
13-Desire: a new wardrobe
14-Desire: a bigger place with lower rent
15-Conviction: I am not the person a lot of people thought I was in ITI (negative). I am soooo much better than that.
16-Goal: to rediscover God. Again.
17-Goal: to get a sideline I can manage so that I can earn more
18-Desire: to take a trip out of town every year
19-Conviction: In times of panic, sleep.
20-Conviction: I am stronger than I thought I was or could be.
21- Conviction: I think things to death. I do. And those time when I thought I would go crazy, I stayed sane through prayer. So prayer is stronger than anyone knows.
22-Goal: to make sure my kids have all they need and then some of what they want
23-Goal: to figure out a medical plan for the kids
24-Goal: to sort out all the late vaccinations
25-Desire: to get a new mp3/4 player
26-Conviction: Nothing is ever what it seems. Not a job, a friend, a boss, a parent, a lover, a child. Take time to figure it out correctly. Try not to judge.
27-Conviction: It's ok to choose who to go out with. This way, you are sure everyone, yourself included, will have a good time.
28-Conviction: I cannot stomach immaturity at this age. It's so unattractive.
29-Conviction: My friend's mom told her almost 10 years ago that she should marry someone who could take care of her as well as her parent did. I thought then that this was a tall order and kind of unfair, but I see the wisdom in it now.
30-Conviction: Children should be better than their parents. Parents should work to make sure this happens.
31-Conviction: I will be doing this again near my 32nd birthday.
That said, what will follow is a combined "list" of sorts. Bear with me.
31 Goals, Convictions, Desires for 2010
1-Goal: To be happy without depending on someone else to be the source of this happiness.
2-Goal: To lose 20 pounds over the year
3- Conviction: Before I turned 30, I wanted to do away with the unimportant things and to focus on the things that matter. Well, this year I want to be more specific. I am convinced that what matters to me in a partner is love, loyalty, responsibility, consistency. Everything else stems from these 4 traits. And so I want to focus on the person who will be all of that to and for me and my kids.
4-Desire: I want a car before Christmas 2011.
5-Desire: I want a new PC before mid- next year.
6-Desire: I want gym membership in the last quarter of this year onwards.
7- Goal: to realize my 5-year tuition plan, and to add my own personal savings plan to the mix.
8-Goal: to get promoted in a year
9-Conviction: Romance is not dead. It is only dead if you kill it.
10-Conviction: I cannot do casual sex or casual relationships. If, in my teens and twenty's I didn't care about tomorrow. in my thirty's I find that I do.
11-Conviction: My friends are my treasures.
12-Goal: to pay all smaller debts by Christmas next year.
13-Desire: a new wardrobe
14-Desire: a bigger place with lower rent
15-Conviction: I am not the person a lot of people thought I was in ITI (negative). I am soooo much better than that.
16-Goal: to rediscover God. Again.
17-Goal: to get a sideline I can manage so that I can earn more
18-Desire: to take a trip out of town every year
19-Conviction: In times of panic, sleep.
20-Conviction: I am stronger than I thought I was or could be.
21- Conviction: I think things to death. I do. And those time when I thought I would go crazy, I stayed sane through prayer. So prayer is stronger than anyone knows.
22-Goal: to make sure my kids have all they need and then some of what they want
23-Goal: to figure out a medical plan for the kids
24-Goal: to sort out all the late vaccinations
25-Desire: to get a new mp3/4 player
26-Conviction: Nothing is ever what it seems. Not a job, a friend, a boss, a parent, a lover, a child. Take time to figure it out correctly. Try not to judge.
27-Conviction: It's ok to choose who to go out with. This way, you are sure everyone, yourself included, will have a good time.
28-Conviction: I cannot stomach immaturity at this age. It's so unattractive.
29-Conviction: My friend's mom told her almost 10 years ago that she should marry someone who could take care of her as well as her parent did. I thought then that this was a tall order and kind of unfair, but I see the wisdom in it now.
30-Conviction: Children should be better than their parents. Parents should work to make sure this happens.
31-Conviction: I will be doing this again near my 32nd birthday.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Suncreen Again
I seem to post this speech once every year. I thought it would be interesting to see which parts resonate to me this year. Here goes...
Sunscreen Speech
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99...
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine. - I think this line will forever strike me.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. - haha! Some truth here.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. - easier said than done.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. - YES!
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. - I'm divided on deciding if these words are comforting.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. - YES!
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. - sighing wearily but determinedly
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. - sighing wearily but determinedly
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. - YES!
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. - I agree, but this is hard to let go of. Expectation is a killer.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
Sunscreen Speech
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99...
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine. - I think this line will forever strike me.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. - haha! Some truth here.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. - easier said than done.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. - YES!
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. - I'm divided on deciding if these words are comforting.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. - YES!
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. - sighing wearily but determinedly
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. - sighing wearily but determinedly
Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. - YES!
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. - I agree, but this is hard to let go of. Expectation is a killer.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Courage
These lines, from a South African woman who was raped, with her throat cut deeply enough to see her spine, stabbed several times so much so that her intestines fell out of her stomach, and yet crawled to the main road, was found, and survived, struck me:
"I had always believed that nothing happened to anyone who didn't have the capacity to overcome it," she wrote in her book. "We are never given more than we can bear. It was up to me now to have faith in my own power and believe that this would not set me back or change my life."
I want to believe this. My life is not the result of the horrors she faced and yet she can look back on the incident, look and move forward. I want to believe this.
"I had always believed that nothing happened to anyone who didn't have the capacity to overcome it," she wrote in her book. "We are never given more than we can bear. It was up to me now to have faith in my own power and believe that this would not set me back or change my life."
I want to believe this. My life is not the result of the horrors she faced and yet she can look back on the incident, look and move forward. I want to believe this.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Non-Negotiables
I am quite sure my list of non-negotiables will be laughable but I don’t care. Too general or too specific as some may be, I am at a point where I am stuck on what I want. And I feel like writing it down (or blogging about it, as the case is) is a way to seal the deal, etch it in stone or cyberspace, cemented enough that the Universe cannot not pay attention.
So, here’s the list:
LOVE- Twilight-like, head-spinning Love (OK, even in parts is fine. This doesn’t have to be the case all the time)
LOVE MY KIDS- Pretty self-explanatory. You take me, you take them. Period.
RESPECT- yes, just what Aretha sang. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
FRIENDSHIP- this would include knowing and accepting me, and at least sharing some of my interests. And, apparently, they are geeky. I love to read, and watch movies. I love music. I can’t go anywhere without music. I love to see people but people I like and know. I am not too good meeting new people and not great at all socializing with people I don’t like, but I am working on it (so a little respect for this work-in-progress, please). I like going out but I prefer to go to places I know and that have good food, drinks, and music. Sometimes I feel like going to fancy places but I’ve found, through the years, that this is not as important to me as it used to be. Sometimes, I just want to stay home and watch TV shows with really good scripts. I don’t normally watch comedies. I don’t find them funny. I prefer sarcasm, now that’s hilarious to me. I’ve said this before and I will say it again; there is a lot to be said about being quiet in a car with someone and not feeling the need to fill the silence with meaningless words. I am a resurrected hopeless romantic. I find myself now searching for my rainbow connection, my own Landon Cater and Lloyd Dobler; hoping for the signs that will be my ‘Serendipity’ moment. And, in the spirit of Sleepless in Seattle, I want that magic touch, when you hold hands and you just know. I don’t know how anyone is going to live up to the last section (the hopeless romantic part) but I am convinced it will be that way.
RESPONSIBILITY- I want that person to be accountable for the life he leads and wants to lead. And I want that accountability to be geared towards bettering oneself. I would like to be successful in my career, and I would like him to be successful too. Choice of career is entirely up to him but giving it his all and then seeing all the rewards of hard work, is important. I would like him to welcome the things that separate men from boys. I would like him to be ready and unafraid to think and live for more than himself.
COURTSHIP and ROMANCE- I want to feel special. And, in my mind, me feeling special can be a result of the most inane things. Fetching me from work, meeting and socializing with my friends, going with me to have coffee or watch a movie, silly things like that. Flowers, text messages that say nothing and everything at the same time, call me cheesy. I don’t care.
LOYALTY and DEPENDABILITY- I don’t consider myself the beauty queen my cousin is, but I would like to be the only woman he sees. He can look at other women, but I want to be the only one he sees. The only one he wants. Trust is the key to every relationship. I want to be able to argue without fear of nuclear fallout in the form of irrational retribution. I would like to sleep peacefully at night knowing that the person I am with, whether physically with me or not, is really just with me. I don’t know if I’ve explained this well at all but I hope I have.
DESIRE- this is pretty self-explanatory, too.
Now, I know this is all about me, and my friends would say ‘well, that sounds just like me’, but I do recognize the need for give and take. And I am willing to do that, providing the giving and taking is fairly equitable.
So, this is my attempt at sending out the message of what I want for myself to the Universe. Waiting now. C’mon Universe. Hear me.
So, here’s the list:
LOVE- Twilight-like, head-spinning Love (OK, even in parts is fine. This doesn’t have to be the case all the time)
LOVE MY KIDS- Pretty self-explanatory. You take me, you take them. Period.
RESPECT- yes, just what Aretha sang. R-E-S-P-E-C-T.
FRIENDSHIP- this would include knowing and accepting me, and at least sharing some of my interests. And, apparently, they are geeky. I love to read, and watch movies. I love music. I can’t go anywhere without music. I love to see people but people I like and know. I am not too good meeting new people and not great at all socializing with people I don’t like, but I am working on it (so a little respect for this work-in-progress, please). I like going out but I prefer to go to places I know and that have good food, drinks, and music. Sometimes I feel like going to fancy places but I’ve found, through the years, that this is not as important to me as it used to be. Sometimes, I just want to stay home and watch TV shows with really good scripts. I don’t normally watch comedies. I don’t find them funny. I prefer sarcasm, now that’s hilarious to me. I’ve said this before and I will say it again; there is a lot to be said about being quiet in a car with someone and not feeling the need to fill the silence with meaningless words. I am a resurrected hopeless romantic. I find myself now searching for my rainbow connection, my own Landon Cater and Lloyd Dobler; hoping for the signs that will be my ‘Serendipity’ moment. And, in the spirit of Sleepless in Seattle, I want that magic touch, when you hold hands and you just know. I don’t know how anyone is going to live up to the last section (the hopeless romantic part) but I am convinced it will be that way.
RESPONSIBILITY- I want that person to be accountable for the life he leads and wants to lead. And I want that accountability to be geared towards bettering oneself. I would like to be successful in my career, and I would like him to be successful too. Choice of career is entirely up to him but giving it his all and then seeing all the rewards of hard work, is important. I would like him to welcome the things that separate men from boys. I would like him to be ready and unafraid to think and live for more than himself.
COURTSHIP and ROMANCE- I want to feel special. And, in my mind, me feeling special can be a result of the most inane things. Fetching me from work, meeting and socializing with my friends, going with me to have coffee or watch a movie, silly things like that. Flowers, text messages that say nothing and everything at the same time, call me cheesy. I don’t care.
LOYALTY and DEPENDABILITY- I don’t consider myself the beauty queen my cousin is, but I would like to be the only woman he sees. He can look at other women, but I want to be the only one he sees. The only one he wants. Trust is the key to every relationship. I want to be able to argue without fear of nuclear fallout in the form of irrational retribution. I would like to sleep peacefully at night knowing that the person I am with, whether physically with me or not, is really just with me. I don’t know if I’ve explained this well at all but I hope I have.
DESIRE- this is pretty self-explanatory, too.
Now, I know this is all about me, and my friends would say ‘well, that sounds just like me’, but I do recognize the need for give and take. And I am willing to do that, providing the giving and taking is fairly equitable.
So, this is my attempt at sending out the message of what I want for myself to the Universe. Waiting now. C’mon Universe. Hear me.
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