I've been struggling with issues for the past year, ever since I separated from my husband, and I've been trying every way I know how to organize, understand, compartmentalize, and accept all my issues. I would tell myself, once I get to do this, I will be better.
But all my efforts have failed so far and all I've become in the year since I moved out is conflicted. And I don't want to be that way anymore.
Last night, I met up with a friend of mine whom I've known since 6th grade. She's getting married next month and I wanted to catch up with her because, one, we hadn't talked in months and months, and two, i am going to miss her wedding as it's a destination wedding. I told her about all that transpired in the months since she and I last talked and it was cathartic. One thing she said that night really stuck: He (husband) was right in saying you were never this negative before. You were more hopeful, more positive. And while sometimes a person can bring out the worst in you, you also allowed yourself to sink deeper and deeper into negativity. What a waste. your life will be a waste if you limit yourself, if you allow your negativity and your mind to limit you and keep you from being happy.
I admit, she is right. And she isn't the first one who has said this to me.
So I am really making the effort now to be more positive. To CHOOSE to be happy. First thing, mind detox- I am reading Joel Osteen's "Your Best Life Now". It was a gift from another good friend 3 years ago. I never read it but I think now is as good a time as any. I am making the effort to rephrase what I think and say. I am making the effort to say "OK, I can.." or "Alright, I'll try that.." instead of "No, but.." or "the thing is.."
I know I can do this.