Sunday, October 31, 2010

Gods Answers

I pray all the time now. But more for strenght and clarity and understanding more than material things. I figure, those will come as a result of being strong, clear, focused, and enlightened.
Lately, I've been noticing more and more how God does answer my prayers. I notice it in indirect words, instances, opportunities. These don't follow immediately after a prayer or a moment of reflections so, I guess, if you aren't paying attention, you could miss it.
It's a wonderful feeling to know that I am being answered and that He is listening.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Remembering Sucks Sometimes

I've been inundated with memories lately and I am not too pleased. I know, I know. I should revel in the fact that my mind seems to be able to retain the most mundane details, the most useless trivia, but there are just some things I want to forget. At least for now. Forgetting my first real "love" way back in high school was an almost painless and very effective way to get over that heartbreak. I literally do not remember some things about my relationship with him to this day. That made it so much easier to reconnect with him as a friend a couple of years later, and we remain very good friends today. But I can't delete my husband, even for a day, because we have kids and I have to constantly think of ways to deal with all my hurt and disappointment and disillusionment when it comes to him in order to have a working relationship for their sake. Bumping into pictures and connecting these to past events and memories only highlights what we were and we aren't now. So sad. But maybe this is how it's supposed to be. Maybe this is the lesson, the trial, the obstacle God or the Universe wants me to overcome before I get all the good stuff; the "rainbow after the storm" (as Ruy put it during Sunday brunch).
Maybe all I have to do is to deal with the memories, rub salt in the wounds until they don't sting anymore, and then I'll be really OK.

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Curiouser and Curiouser and More Lessons

When the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" came out, I admit, I wasn't interested. Brad Pitt for me had lost a lot of his attractiveness purely due to life decisions. Yes, in this case I am being 100% judgmental. I don't really care. I just found the whole Angelina thing in bad taste, bad character, poor impulse control. If his marriage really wasn't working then he should have had the decency to end it FIRST before gallivanting with another woman. Ok, I digress.

Anyway, I ended up watching the movie on HBO. Purely by accident. And I really liked it. I found I could relate to a lot of the writing. Since it spanned the lifetime of two main characters I don't know if that means I am old but I could relate. Brad Pitt was good in the movie and Cate Blanchett was luminous. Ok, Brad Pitt was hot. Again, I digress.

Below are two of many snippets of writing that touched me, spoke to me, told me that in some way the Universe was trying to make me understand things about myself, my choices, my life, what it was, what it is, what it can still be.

“It’s a funny thing coming home. Nothing changes. Everything looks the same, feels the same, even smells the same. You realize what’s changed, is you.”

“You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went, you can curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.”

Benjamin Button: I was thinking how nothing last, and what a shame that is.
Daisy: Some things last.

So, again, to living life moving forward; to loving my gifts- my kids; to loving myself and finding some peace and happiness.